a question about neurosis and external neurons(old concept but I’ve been thinking)
personal antecdote: when I learned from my psychologist to always ask myself a question first (not going to project but instead of asking how others are doing first ask myself in my head which I’m not right now (still differentiating))
“not going to project” when I learned of projection I kind of remember myself saying, and this was like 2 years ago that I just didn’t want to project, so I started using ego a lot more, both healthy selfishness to being helpful to others (I know how to cook foodstuffs for myself so I can now cook foodstuffs for others) cause to quote my therapist, or paraphrase cause this is an old thought ” the relationship that counts most is the first one, that of the self”
and I get narcissism, when anybody goes to a mirror and points at it or even touches it and says what Sigmund frued would say as “superego”, saying so because I don’t want to project, I think I understand neurosis which as I’ve heard from the past is the healing end, when anybody, including myself goes up to a mirror and points at the the physical body and not the mirror and says “ego”, 2 years ago I did as such (don’t remember pointing at the mirror and saying super ego, however, I won’t type much about this but our dog got out the other day, my mother was there with me and I went out to save him and did(miniature pincher, fast pooch) however, ever sense she claims she saved him while I was the one who saved him).
after going heavy with ego statements for a while so I wouldn’t project (and I understand we all project sometimes) and got to the point of knowing that the ego is the reflection of itself to itself (ala bions O theory, something, either my pschology professor said I should read or I stumbled up on because I just wanted to heal), I got the point of remembering “that of itself”, something I remember my therapist saying to me a long time ago (he was pointing at himself at the time). I went to my pshychology professor, not knowing why, and pointed at myself then and said “that of itself”, which she didn’t do which I think I know why cause of the diod (I think) which therapy offers. after she didn’t say that I remember saying “I understand what that means sometimes but not all the times” and I really started differentiating my behavior from others ego having the mental space to represent their ego in “quotes” or also my mind. I went to therapy again 2 weeks ago and did the same, he said “that of itself and pointed at himself” then I said ” that of itself” pointing at myself
then I went to the mirror at home and instead of saying “super ego” or “ego” I pointed at myself and said “that of itself, that’s what I look like” and remembered a game I used to play, the sims, the sims had a crystal like pointer above each of the sims head and thought “that is really what that means, it’s kind of like the pointer above each of our head, where we can’t exactly see it (in bions o theory the theory states how that of itself is hidden from the neurotic and normalish, added the ish cause I don’t think anybody is normal hehe).
others would say to me “is that (super ego) and I would reply back “yup it’s me”, when others ask the question (as I once did) “whats up” to me my reply is “that’s whats up”
I know that more self reflection leads me to a stronger self (not just exterior frame wise but internally imagination, internal notebook (not the actual thing, keyboard I’m wrighting with now, internal representation cause I know I can say “he” and sometimes in the past I would be referring to myself and sometimes not, now I can say he and represent another, heh, the wording might not be correct but I don’t really care about being correct as much as I was)
after figuring out the contractions of the mind and figuring out what it is I was still instructed to do the second process, which I thought was kind of weird ( external neuron part, I think). sometimes when taking a walk I’ll say to myself “I want to walk over their” and do as such, however, sometimes I’ll say “I want to walk to that”, and while I think the word “that” represents people places and things and idea’s now, still I” walk to things that are in the second process and as soon as I reach them I’ll be bombarded with memories, from what I understand our wounds are externalized, or… ehh, a pshychic wound can leak into external reality. when I walk to places which are “that place” and I’m bombarded by memories am I more or less internalizing or getting back parts of me which leaked outwardly?
I know wierd question, but it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately
also I’ve been taking notice of how I operate in what parts of life and how I differ in those parts of life, collegelife, homelife, social life etc, ehh, video game life, virtual life, such as, when I visit this website I use a lot of ego statments, but not so in other places (I think in my mind all the pshychological places I tend to use a lot of ego statments)
as to my first question, is neurosis healing, to get to the mountain and scale climb the mountain, so to speak