Okay, hello all. This is my legit first time EVER posting to reddit, but I can’t seem to find any other places to vent my frustrations/ get opinions from people who actually have ADD/ADHD. So here is some back story;
I’m a 19 year old female, I have an almost 11-month old daughter (my first) and I’m a part-time online student majoring in business management. I dropped out of high school in 10th grade, immediately took my GED and passed with college level scores. (Started GED classes and passed all 4 in 2 weeks). I failed most all of my classes in middle/ high school, was on probation for missing more days of school than I was actually there, and would have severe panic attacks everyday. (Also self harmed during this period) (also had un-dealt with sexual assult). I never could make myself focus in school, or in any of my classes. I was labeled as the lazy, poor, doesn’t care about her future kid. A little kid I was extremely messy and hyper. Not your typical crazy excited 5 year old, but bouncing off the walls, would trip over all my words, climb/ hang all over people. I would get to “excited” and end up embarrassing myself because of my obnoxious behavior, could never EVER sit still. ALSO*** I have Tourette’s Syndrome, not as bad now but horrible as a kid. Everybody thought I was ADD but my mom (bless her heart) never wanted a doctor to put me on meds. Fast forward, while I was pregnant with my daughter I went to a counselor (about sexual assault) and got diagnosed with dysthymia depression, generalized anxiety and PTSD, and the answers for all my problems was to take an Omega-3 everyday (fish oil). Needless to say I didn’t keep up with that to much. Current day, I’ve been battling currently with late onset postpartum and my anxiety and depression have been through the roof. I’ve been having “great” days and “horrible” days. I’ve been having trouble bounding with my daughter which is breaking my heart and I’ve been having such a hard time doing any school work/ focusing on anything. I’ve been going days without showering. On my bad days just feeling empty, numb, nothing. Well about a week ago I was telling my mom I was behind on some assignments and it’s almost end of term but I was exhausted and she asked if I wanted one of her Vyvanse’s. I’m a huge hypochondriac about meds (probably due to her lol) so I was iffy but she said it wouldn’t make me panic-y. LET ME TELL YOU. I got so much school work done, I felt so focused, so interested in what I was doing. I got some household chores done I had been putting off, I showered, made my daughter and fiancé breakfast and we mulched our flowerbeds. Ive taken one 50 mg for about 6 days now and the only way I can describe this feeling is… normal. I don’t feel speedy or super energized, I just feel like a normal person. I feel happier and fresher, just being able to get dressed and get school work done and not have this crippling anxiety all day long. It has almost calmed me down more which is weird since it’s a stimulant, but this feeling of bees under my skin is gone. I feel like I’m finally functioning properly if that makes sense… but the only down fall is it has make my Tourette’s terrible. So I went to my family doctor today and told her all of this. We talked about my previous diagnosis’s and how I’ve been feeling now. I explained to her how hard it is to focus and tune in on what I’m suppose to be doing, and I even told her I tried Vyvanse, that it helped tremendously, but it made my Tourette’s really really bad (particularly eye tics, rolling eyes, blinking hard, blinking a lot) and causes my eyes to be really really dry. I tell her My mom has been diagnosed with ADHD, my uncle (her only brother) and my grandma (their mother). I tell her all three of them also have Tourette’s Syndrome. Basically she says a stimulant wouldn’t help with my “severe anxiety” and to try putting magnesium powder in a drink for my “severe anxiety” and we will follow up in 6 weeks. I want to be tested for ADHD, I feel like that’s what I’ve had this entire time, I’ve been reading all of these articles about how often ADHD is mistaken as anxiety and depression, when the anxiety is coming from the hyper activity of the brain (not focusing, not getting anything accomplished, not meeting deadlines) and the depression coming from constantly feeling like a failure, feeling stupid and lazy, feeling like somethings wrong with you, feeling like you should be functioning better, etc… I feel like I’ve finally found out what’s been causing this long term anxiety and depression, I feel like I know what’s wrong with me and I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. Vyvanse has helped me so much and i even told my doctor, I would love to try something else that possibly wouldn’t irritate my Tourette’s but I want to be checked for ADHD, I want to be better, I want to function, I want to be calmer and more patient with my daughter, i want to be able to do a 15 minute task in 15 minutes (not 2 hours!!) I don’t want to have great and horrible days, I want to have normal days, calmer days, I just want to feel like a normal person. I’ve seen ADHD medicine completely change my mom, uncle and grandmas lives, and they all take different kinds. I just don’t know what to do, I feel so lost, I feel like I’m on the brink of changing my life but I don’t know where to go. I love my family doctor but I feel like she’s not understanding everything.