Dealing with dropping out of college : ADHD


tl;dr: I dropped out, don’t want to tell anyone, super scared for my future.
I’m a 22yo m with ADHD, I’ve always been super pressured by my parents to study to be able to get a good job. Pressured as in they forced on me their unfulfilled dreams of becoming a CEO or some shit. I had no say in what school I want to go to. I wanted to go to normal high school get literature specialisation and then study philology, but my parents dissmissed that (“you’ll end up in mcdonalds” ect) and forced me into STEM even though I’m horrible at maths because of my ADHD. I struggled HARD. It ruined my mental health, diagnosed with severe depression, GAD.
Then I graduated 2nd best high school in my country, as a Informations and Communications Technician, so yay, even managed to pass literature exam extracurricularly.
At first i thought now that i have a profession my parents will lay off me. But I was wrong.
Even though I wanted to study philology, my literature exam’s results was not enough to get accepted, my parents gaslighted, emotionally blackmailed me into starting economics.
I hated it from the beginning, even tried to quit once, but when I told them, I was flooded with more emotional blackmail, about how I’m such a chore, how it’s because I don’t study enough, how they always had to do everything for me, that I’m lazy, that I’ll end up with nothing and so on. Made my mom cry.
Now, second year, about three months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, finally had an explanation for my attention problems. I was optimistic, started on meds but then the pandemic struck
I completely fell apart, I stopped doing any tasks for my studies, totally gave up on them. There is no way for me to pass this year. I know I hate this, but at the same time I feel like I lost everything, I can’t tell them because I’m afraid of their reaction. I only told my friends. I’m scared that I won’t be able to find a job. I know I have a profession but I don’t know if that’s enough. I’m fucking angry at my parents because I know that these things I’m scared of are their exact words, words I wuldn’t think of on my own and the way I can’t even trust my own judgement to quit, is their fault.
Just had to get this off my chest.

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