Last week at 22 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD. In retrospect it makes so much sense. Unfortunately there are still some tests that need to be done before I can start with medication.
I’ve had ADHD-typical issues in all areas in my life: short lasting relationships, hard time with friendships, you name it. None of those ever bothered me, or better said, bothered me as much as how much of a failure I am in university.
All the way until high school I was an A-student. At our graduation ceremony a teacher took me aside and told me how she knows for a fact I am going to have a great career. I was one hundred percent confident that I would.
The first degree program was IT. I loved everything related to computers and programming but in the first two weeks of being there I got so overwhelmed that I dropped out. The biggest reason probably was my social anxierty at the time.
One semester later I decided to enroll in law school. It was all going amazing until it wasn’t anymore. I started failing all my classes. Dropped out of half the classes I took. It just became so normal to me that I thought everyone did it. Turns out they did not.
Now is my fourth year in law school. I am about to do an exam that people do in their third semester, not their eight. I already took it once and failed, but I studied so much that I thought it would be an a or a b.
I am so ashamed of myself and feel like crying. I don’t even know if law school is for me. I don’t know why I am doing it. I loved it up until two days ago, now I feel so out of place. I found another degree program at a different uni in artificial intelligence. I would love to do it parallel to law school, but if I can’t even pass law school on it’s own then how the hell am I supposed to do anything else?
I feel so down. My psychiatrists appointment is in two weeks. Until then I have one big exam and two deadlines for papers. I feel so overwhelmed.