How do I explain to my dad that the things I do aren’t to spite him? : ADHD

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Hi all. I’m 21F, still living with my dad. I work full-time, and I’d love to get an apartment, but it just isn’t realistic because of how scatterbrained I am.

My dad has always been super strict. He’s lightened up immensely over the years because of his divorce, but I wouldn’t call him easygoing. Because of that, I developed a habit of lying during middle school/high school to try to save myself. Just white lies, like “I forgot about this assignment” or “I slept in past my alarm”, when really I was just too stressed or had my head in the clouds.

Obviously your parents catch on after years of the same excuses. This has created a lot of dissent between me and my dad, and at least once every month or so he calls me out for bullshitting him and says I’m “not doing it because I don’t want to”.

He’s very type A. I don’t know if he has ADHD himself, but he definitely has anxiety and OCD tendencies, so he throws himself into things (work, home improvement, etc.) to distract himself. My step-mom is a therapist and has helped him chill out a bit, but he’s still very inept with mental health understanding. He thinks if I just take my meds, go to counseling, I should be perfect.

I’m at a loss. Nothing I do feels good enough. This stresses me out and adds tension between us. Do any of you guys have experience with a situation like this? What did you do that helped??

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