I feel like my ADHD is a contributing factor to my marriage leading towards divorce. I (24) have been with my husband (24) for 9 years and we have two kids together for context. I was officially diagnosed when I was about 17/18 but I stopped medication shortly after because of the daily headaches. I am realizing that I need to get back on my medication because my ADHD is really affecting my life. I feel like I’m constantly fighting a battle with myself to be normal and to keep up with the day to day struggles of being a SAHM, but despite my best efforts, I am constantly disappointing my husband. He treats me like a child and even tells me that I am a child and I never listen. He is very belittling and is constantly making condescending remarks. He orders me around and lectures me when I forget to do things or I didn’t hear what he said. I’ve tried to explain to him that I have racing thoughts constantly and I have to basically filter through the noise in my head to understand things. He’s become very mean and short-tempered with me and I feel like he doesn’t try to understand me at all.
Today, he got upset with me because we had a family barbecue and I walked inside to get the food ready to bring out while he was grilling and in the meantime our son managed to get out of sight. (I thought he was watching him, he thought I was watching him). That is something that I struggle with when there are people around and my focus is shifted. He was then passive aggressive to me all night. Our toddler (who is fearless and always accidentally hurting himself) tripped on the concrete and my husband said, “That’s twice that he got hurt on your watch tonight” as if I can control when he trips. When we talked about it all tonight, he got very mean and called me an unfit mother, said he will get full custody of the kids when we divorce because of this and said some other really hurtful things. He told me to get out of his bed that he paid for and knocked my earbuds out of my ears because I was trying to block out the hateful things he was saying and postpone the conversation. I hope medication will help, but I am trying my best and for the most part I feel like I do a pretty good job at being a mom and wife, but he makes me feel so stupid, incompetent, disrespected, and I really hate myself because I can’t just be normal without any medication. I don’t know if he’s just not capable of understanding me and working through my problems or if I would be a burden on any partner I was with. I just don’t want to live my life feeling like a burden and unloved if there could potentially be someone out there that could accept me for me, ADHD and all. How do your partners respond to your ADHD?