I went a couple decades trying to figure out what was wrong with me because the anxiety/depression diagnisis I kept getting didn’t sit right with me. I knew it because I wasn’t achieving anything I wanted in life…ever… and could just barely do the simple things like make myself a meal, clean the house or wash my face. But because I’m semi-smart and apparently a fantastic actress, ppl on the outside never knew. In fact, if I told them I had adhd they would think I was mistaken and have tricked myself into thinking I had it.
I’ve wanted to move from the northeast to the south US for about a decade, the dream. Since young my body could not tolerate cold weather and I knew I needed to be somewhere where I felt I fit in, less stimulus, more calming nature, slower pace, etc. And as anyone with ADHD knows, that “task” can seem insurmountable. Not possible. So many steps in the process. So overwhelming. How did “normal” people just do things like that? I mean, I would lay lifeless on my couch weekend after weekend with zero motivation after my brain was fried from all the effort the work week took out of me.
I ended up seeing the right professionals, got medicated and changed my life’s course. You know, the fork in the road of life? And even after losing my dog and two cats over the past 2 years (handled their death’s like a good mommy, not letting them suffer…responsible, go figure), I managed to get a new job, ask for relocation to our office in the south, fix up and stage my house, find temporary housing in the south, coordinate a long-distance move and ultimately sell my house TODAY! (with a great deal of help from my husband…God bless him)! Not gonna lie. There were some temper tantrums and points I thought I could not handle anymore. My husband can attest to that;) but we did it!
I’m loving it in my new state and so does my husband…like alot! The winter depression did not come this year because I didn’t have pain from the cold weather up north. This is what I always wanted but could never imagine doing it. I also had a great deal of fear leaving family behind and of changing. I am bad with change…anxiety, panic attacks, the works. But we did it. The house was sold. I feel so free. All the swirling thoughts in my head gone…and I have a great psychiatrist to thank for it, one that I will specifically travel back to my hometown to keep him as my doctor. He was worth it. I keep pinching myself to know that today is real.
So I want to leave a message for all those who are undiagnosed but think that something is not quite with their diagnosis and suspect ADHD (after some really good research and knowing exactly what it entails)…keep trying until you find the help you need. Don’t settle for professional opinions that just don’t sit right with you. Don’t listen to ppl who tell you it could not possibly be ADHD (esp if they say because you are smart!) or those that say you are just lazy and need to get your act together. Keep trying to find a good professional that knows his/her stuff. Many mental health professionals are just not properly trained when it comes to adhd. Anxiety and depression are just so much “safer” to diagnose. t’s worth it in the end, even with all the expenses of going through a few bad eggs, those doctors or therapists not properly trained or possibly biased. Keep trying until you get better (not perfect, but just a better version of yourself)! Worth it. Change you life’s course!