As the title says, this semester was my last at university (go me!) and I am officially a grad now, with zero plans for the summer (I am starting a Master’s program in September but that’s up in the air right now). I also live alone and do not have any friends in my town, so I am really, truly by myself now.
Online classes already felt like an amorphous blob I had to get through that already wrecked whatever structure I had in my life before March, but now that I have ZERO obligations and completely open days, I feel more miserable and depressed than ever before. This complete and utter lack of structure in my life has left me feeling extremely crippled and it’s getting to the point where I am just so agitated all the time. I have plenty of things I COULD do (i.e., playing Sims/my PS4, practicing my watercolor painting, reading the books I have, etc.) but every single day I waste so many hours sitting there and doing nothing because I can’t seem to get up and just do ONE of these things. It feels like I have to climb a mountain just to do something simple.
I am on Vyvanse and have been for a few months now, so I have medication helping me. But with zero structure, it feels like not even medication is helping me out much. I keep seeing the words “make your own daily schedule now” but I CAN’T because no matter how many times I’ve tried, I wake up and it again feels like climbing a mountain to do any of those things, or my brain wants to do something entirely different, or I just can’t follow it for some reason, and it just collapses on me.
This was long, but does anyone else feel this way now that classes are over? I am so tired of feeling like I’m useless and criticizing myself for being so unable to do anything…