tl;dr : My boyfriend witnessed how gross I can let my apartment get when i’m off my meds, he scolded me and I haven’t been able to recover from the shame (Questions in italics at the end)
I’ve been rationing my adderall since mid-march. My GP (physicians prescribe adderall in Canada) obviously saw a surge in appointments and is all booked up for the next month and a half.
I’ve generally been doing well with being on and off my meds, as i’ve often taken “breaks” before, but there have been some stretches where I fall into these lulls for a couple of days and I let my dishes pile up, my recycling spill over, and experience a huge drop in mood/energy. Unfortunately, my boyfriend, who is also my neighbor, came to check on me during one of those times*. After seeing the sight of my kitchen, he…scolded me? He then went on a rant while he loaded my dishwasher and emptied out my fridge. He told me that I needed to do better, and that I was allowed to have bad days but my improvements have to be on an “upward trend”. He said that, for my health, I couldn’t be on my medication forever, so I shouldn’t use it as a “crutch” and I should learn to adapt without it.
We’ve been together for almost four years and he’s seen the way my room can get when I fall into those stretches that are not dissimilar to depression. But he’s never reacted this way. I know that this is coming from a place of love and concern – he just has ZERO tact. I didn’t know that he expected me to stop taking my medication eventually… It’s not something i’ve really thought about, and it upset me that he felt that it was ok to give his unsolicited advice regarding a disability that he can’t even begin to relate to.
Anyways, after feeling like I had just been disciplined, I had a hard time acting like my normal self with him. It’s been two weeks and i’ve seen him once since, and I feel like i’ve been so distant with him, almost like i resent him. Having him see my kitchen in that state made me feel ashamed that i couldn’t just load the dishwasher instead of letting it get out of hand like that, and him being so vocal about it made me feel so embarrassed. It’s like it set my RSD into overdrive – I don’t know how to just take the criticism and move on.
– Have any of you been criticized by partners for how messy you can be sometimes?
– Are any of you concerned about the potential negative effects that your meds may have on your health in the future?
tl;dr : My boyfriend witnessed how gross I can let my apartment get when i’m off my meds, he scolded me and I haven’t been able to recover from the shame
*Before you guys come for me regarding social distancing: My boyfriend lives two houses down from me, with just one roommate. Our province still allows us to go outside but besides seeing me once a week, the bf, his roommate, and I otherwise don’t leave our respective homes unless it’s to go to our local grocery store across the street. Why didn’t we just isolate together? I have the better bed, but he needs his home PC for work (let’s be real, it’s mostly for gaming + I have finals to study for.
(irrelevant but small victory: I will be done with my undergraduate degree on Monday.)