I don’t even know why I’m writing this. What I SHOULD be doing is writing my lab report, due today at 9pm. But I’m not going to finish that in time, not even close. All of my other work is late. I have probably ~30 hours left of work to do for this semester, and I feel completely hopeless.
I can’t even get my thoughts into a coherent whole but I just get so frustrated with trying to live in this world that ISN’T MADE FOR US. Every single day feels like starting over. Over and over. The best metaphor I could come up with for how I’m feeling right now: everyone is sailing through a storm on a boat, and that storm is the pandemic making life difficult for everyone. But then there’s me, and other people with ADHD. I have a hole in my boat so that I have to constantly scoop water out. Sailing a boat is difficult enough without it filling with water, but keeping afloat feels like a miracle every time it happens.
Is there hope? Can life get easier? Will I ever feel like I can control anything or just be doomed to be a square peg in a round hole? For reference, I’m a sophomore at a competitive college and recently have felt like I don’t belong here. Like sure, I might be smart and intelligent, but it just doesn’t matter if I can’t use it in the way I’m expected to.