My boyfriend gets mad at me for not being able to focus? : ADHD


Hi everyone,

So my boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) are currently living together as the pandemic sent us home. Online classes have been especially difficult for me since I already struggled with focusing and working efficiently at school. Now that I’m back home, I find it even harder to work at my computer. I get pulled out of focus by the smallest noises or movements around the house. I’m currently trying to work on a late paper and he was kind enough to try and help me with it. He was helping me find a few sources and just watching some anime next to me while I worked. I got about a page done and took a break to check my phone since I had a few notifications. He got mad at me and told me “What are you doing? Get off your phone and get back to work!” Then he said “You’d rather look at your phone then have me next to you- fine” and he gets up from the table and leaves to sit on the couch. I thought he was just being playful but then he started talking more while I couldn’t see him behind my desktop and said, “I did all this stuff for you, I made dinner and put away the dishes and this is how you treat me? I’m offended” I then realized he was actually mad and I didn’t know what to say.

I already thanked him immensely for his actions earlier, and we split chores pretty 50/50 regularly. I’m wondering what the best way is to explain to him that I was just taking a simple break, and not trying to put my phone above him. I think he has a hard time understanding how my brain focuses. It is such a struggle to spend 20 minutes getting “in the zone” only to be pulled out of that hyperfocus by a pen dropping.

I guess what I’m asking is if anyone has any advice or comments about trying to explain to their friends/family their focusing issues, I’d love to hear it.

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