Should i start living alone does a good looking face really matter that much : ADHD

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Every time I open my phone camera to take a picture something comes up in my mind like you’re ugly and I suddenly turn off my camera my friends say sometimes that I should take some photos of myself and post them on Instagram Facebook etc but I can’t because taking a photo is really hard also people have bullied me on the basis of how I look and from like some years my mom has also started mocking my looks(she compares me to a monkey or a pig) my mom has said that no one has ever said anything good about you and my father always keeps saying no that I’m awful and will die alone and once gave me advice about killing myself I tried once but couldn’t bring myself to do it I’m really confused I what should I do with my life should I just leave my family or stay with them till doing collage I’m 18 years old With no family support

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