Toxic Perfectionism + ADHD is the recipe that’s ruining my life : ADHD

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First off, for anyone that struggles with perfectionism too, it’s actually something you can and should see therapy for. Didn’t know that until an academic skills counselor had to tell me. In short, everything feels like a lose-lose situation because the problems I face with ADHD can be solved with solutions that end up just bringing out my really toxic perfectionism.

I can’t split large assignments into really small parts that feel manageable because I end up putting way too much effort and subsequently, too much time on each individual part. The alternative is putting everything off and letting time pressure do its thing, but then that’s just overwhelming and not great in the long-term. Even daily discussion posts, which are supposed to hold my attention for long enough and feel very doable, feel too much for me because I constantly keep wanting to make them perfect.

I also found out the other day that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria was a common thing for ADHD folks after looking up why I’m so terrified of rejection and having ADHD sources come up. Not diagnosed with it or whatever, but it definitely describes everything I feel completely. I’ve never gone to office hours for a paper in progress because I keep feeling like it’s wasting others’ time to not present my best work all the time. Then, I’ll finally get to that point and it’ll be too late.

This used to work so well in high school because the work was still within my bounds, but college at such a challenging university has exceeded those and I’m FRUSTRATED. I know my potential is there, and I shouldn’t be in danger of failing a class because I spend way too much time on everything and subsequently am super behind on everything.

EDIT: i literally edited this because it felt too long and it felt wrong not to edit it. fuck me.

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