lately, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, Klein, Winnicot, Freud, Fairbain , what’s his name’s blanket, Bion’s O theory. My god Bions O theory is, just, amazing. , didn’t know that the inner visual photo’s of people (people used in third person tense) are called objects in object relations theory and it came to me, the inner matrice’s, schema’s, concept’s (still new at utilizing hyphens), pre/post conceptualizations I learned from the reading of Klein and Winnicot(especially Him and the good enough Mother), psychic shield from frued, psychic envelopes from a lot of others
and then I established proper Conscious thought through an introjection of my therapists from a far as I like to put it. I started to see the world with new eyes as it where and remember thinking “if I’m able to pull images into conciseness(not to be confused with what I’m writing even though there is probably a link I haven’t thought about) and I can only really pull 1 image up into consciousness at a time (even though I can pull up low representational images of set’s, like a family portrait in my mind), where do the images go when I let go of them in consciousness… the unconsciousness, which is a referent to the internal external world, cause in my visualization of the unconscious, it is like a stream that is, water where everything we learn and produce and experience go in our minds and we pull up thoughts from consciousness just like fishermen in the stream.
to put it metaphorically, (and I did have something like this that happend to me) King Arthur and the knights of the round table (the table being round such as every knight is of equal value but have differences which is what makes them equal) has to go into the forest where it is darkest to them, another good representation of this is in Indiana Jones and the last crusade to find the thing that is of most value, the Cup which is both a real and a symbolic object (the reference of the symbol in anybody’s mind), the darkest place, the mind (litterly when we close our eyes we can’t see) which is then, (based on the theorem I put forward above based on the research from others) given vision, where consciousness and unconsciousness come together first in ambivalence, then consciousness representing courage, respect, honor and that of the spirit, and unconsciousness representing love, nourishment (and probably something else I haven’t conceived of)
in thus doing so, and if any of you out there are following along (this is sort of theater of the mind stuff) the matrix’s of conscious and unconscious are are the repsentational images of what we like, don’t like , love, hate, where the entire host of emotions come from (a graphine of this is love+hate ambivalence, love + curiosity = Awe which are all based on experience)l where ego is more that of the helper, doer, know-er, planner of the Body/Self, such as, and I can only go first person here, when my dog comes and licks me for no reason, he fills me with joy (such as the container is the mind and the schema of what joy looks like is portrayed in our mind through our sense organs (cause we are are all organisms, an organization of orgins)), thus we then know that others have similar experience but don’t know exactly what their conceptualizatized schema of joy is. thus we can have sort of a low representation of what joy is but the more joy in our life there is the higher resolution the representation is.
with the ability to pull images into our consciousness (abstractly, I’m just writing about what goes on inside the mind at a base level)we can establish the psychological keyboard, that is, the major themes in our life, ABC, pretense, I really forgot the name of the middle tense, past tense, or, past(we can play a musical note and remember) B, present, C, Future, morning noon night, breakfast lunch dinner, that kind of litiney can go on and on(as is based on the prefix suffix of an infant which is how we make sense of words basicly from the text, ya, I’ve been reading a lot in quarantine and I feel, smarter and more in control of my life, but can really access and feel feelings and am starting to express myself and face forward and forge ahead, I didn’t expect however, the introject from my therapist (and there are a lot) to strengthen, consolidate, and allow for the inner matrices I’ve talked about to mature including not only my own selfs representation in my mind, but the representation of others and the connections there of)
what comes to mind is a quote from Jordan Peterson , paraphrased ” the difference between the inner self and those who are afraid to look withen is that the people who have an inner representation of peoples, things, idea’s don’t need to build a building, they are one, the people who have no inner self representation need to build external buildings to make up for the lack of inner building, cause they don’t know what the concept of up is” where up is construed as the future in my estimation on a horizontal and vertical axis , the vision of the future, in my own eyes, is hope formulated with a lot of different emotions.
the subject, has always been, ones own subjectivity, person hood my person hood, and all of you out theirs person hood, where the exterior world is differentiated from the earth such that the world is made of people, idea’s, language and probably more, and the earth, mother earth,(thinking in text here to myself) euros, the opposite of neurosis, the breathing in of oxygen and then breathing out into the world carbon dioxide which is reciprocal to tree’s and other plant life, tree’s, symbolized as family tree’s, lol, the cure was in a mnemonic.
btw, in our own self reflections, in our mind or paper, it’s important to note to take out all the or’s because what I found was or’s are the uncertainty factor, or’s are choices outside of self reflection